A beginning and an end.

My life will soon be taking off in a whole other direction. Starting on may 14th, my birthday, I will no longer have to come to school. Which means my posting on here might seize to exist. But my life will really just be beginning. I plan to work full time and save up lots of money, while studying to take my GED test on June 7th. I plan to be fully emancipated by or right after that date. To be my own individual person.

Family

Family is one thing that is sopost to always be there. People who are sopost to love you unconditionaly, always. But so far Iv only seen that from 5 percent of my family. And especially not my mother.

It can always get worst...

Some times I wonder if ill make it out alive. After everything I've been threw in only 16 years of life, its hard not to. Cause every time I say things cant get worst, they usually do. But if there is one thing I've learned, it can always get worst. They clouds can always get darker. The rain always heavier. The winds, always stronger. Pain, always greater. So never say that things cant get worst, cause in that instant you give all your hope up to the forces of nature. And when you have no hope, you have nothing. Don't give it up to anyone or anything.

Love

In life we're all forced to make hard decisions. Decisions that can alter your life for either a short period, or decisions that can last a life time. If I think back on it now, I've already made quite a few. And to now see the results of all those choices is truly exquisite. But its really about what you learn from all these choices. One thing I have learned, is that every decision I've made for love has been blind. But i don't regret anything. I think that love makes you blind for a reason, it doesn't want you to use your head, or your senses. It wants you to use you heart. I think that love will lead you blind through darkness before it shows you its true beauty, Its true colors. And it really is a beautiful thing. To know someone else almost better than you, to feel a closeness some people never know or understand. To have someone to run to when your sad or mad, and to know nothing but them holding you can make you feel better. So my advise for the weak is to not be scared when love is leading you and you cant see where, just relax and let it take you where it wants to go. Because love truly is a mysterious thing, but if you let it blossom, it can turn into a wondrous beautiful thing.

Mountain dew.

Everyone has that one thing that they love to either snack or sip upon for there own guilty pleasure. And it's defiantly not soggy cereal in a plastic bag with a spoon for a companion.(Dr. Bad Bottom) (aka) (D double B) Anyways, for most women it's probity chocolate, or coffee, and don't get me wrong, i love those things to. But for me, nothing is better than a nice crisp, fresh, tingly mountain dew. And taco bell, but thats besides the point. We'll talk about my fasination with taco bell later. Today I'm telling you that I LOVE MOUNTAIN DEW!

my beautiful tattoo:)

Well I've been waiting approximately 2 years to get my tattoo done. And this weekend I finally did it! I now have six beautiful stars going up my side. And oh my goodness I love it. Even if it was the worst pain I've ever gone through in my life, it was 110% worth it:)

Butterfly's

It was march of 09, the spring had just started to come. I was sitting in the truck waiting for my sister and her boyfriend. It was just around dusk, tonight we we're going up to the hill's. In a small town such as ours, our type of recreation was doing just this. Standing around a huge bomb fire, listening to music, laughing and loving. This was the night I met my love. Tall, dark and handsome, he got out of his car and started saying hey to everyone. I had known who he was, in fact I once had a small relationship with him, but for one reason or another, we had not talked in years. That night consisted of many good memories. It was about a week before i heard from him, but when i did he asked me if i would like to come with him up to the hill's again. I thought it would be fun, but i felt my crush getting a little stronger. Or maybe it was just the butterfly's he always gave my stomach.
We went up that night and again, had anther good time. But this time, we kept in touch. It started out as just talking to each other everyday. But then he would come see me all the time. Sooner or later, i was hanging out with him everyday. When May came around, we were getting really close. His whole plan was to take me to the beach for a weekend, my birthday weekend, and ask me to be his there. But when the weekend came around, he just couldn't contain it, and asked me two days before my birthday. That weekend was one of the best weekends of my life. From there on, we grew extremely close. I felt he knew me better than anyone, and I felt i knew him that well also. We were inseparable for about seven months. And than disaster struck.
Something happened to us after that. The time when i needed him the most, and he wasn't there. I was heart broken. About two months went by, he tried to talk to me, but i told myself i didn't need him anymore. That i would be better with out him. But he was stubborn. And persistently kept trying to talk to me. I could feel myself becoming lonely and sad. I missed him so much. So one night, after not talking to him for two months, i called him. I thought it would be awkward, and i was nervous to call, but i stayed on the line anticipating his voice to answer. When he did i felt my stomach drop. After everything he could still give me butterfly's. That night we talked on the phone for three hours. And every night after that for a week we did the same thing. Eventually we started to see each other again, and we both realized how much we've missed each other. Some people think you cant know what love is if your young. And that you shouldn't be in serious relationships when your young. But those people must be lonely and sad somewhere, cause if they they think that, then they don't know that love has no boundaries. No restrictions. It's not just a feeling or something you say to someone, it's an effort, from two people. Its a bond. And a strong one at that. Because even if the day comes where you cant be together, you still feel that bond. You still have that persons love. Forever.

Humpback whales

The humpback whale is one of the best known marine vertebra's. It is a baleen whale, which means they are seasonal feeders. They filter feed tiny crustaceans such as krill or plankton, and small fish from the water. They are gulpers not skimmers, filter feeders that alternatively swim then gulp a mouthful of plankton or fish. Average-sized humpback whales will eat 4,400-5,500 pounds of plankton, krill and small, schooling fish each day during the feeding season in cold waters (about 120 days). Plus they eat twice a day!
They are acrobats of the ocean, breaching and slapping the water. They live in pods and have 2 blowholes. The name humpback describes the motion it makes as it arches its back out of the water in preparation for a dive. Humpback whales grow to be about 52 feet long, weighing 30-50 tons. The females are slightly larger than males, as with all baleen whales. The four-chambered heart of the average humpback whale weighs about 430 pounds- about as much as three average adult human beings. The whales come in 4 different color schemes, ranging from white to gray to black to mottled. There are distinctive patches of white on underside of the tail. These markings are unique to each individual whale, like a fingerprint. The humpback's skin is frequently scarred and may have patches covered with barnacles.
Humpbacks travel in large, loose groups. Most associations between humpbacks are temporary, lasting at most a few days. The exception is the strong and lasting bond between mother and calves. Humpbacks are very acrobatic, often breaching high out of the water and then slapping their bellies on the water as they come back down. And sometimes they twirl. Some say it’s for science reasons, I think they just like to play. Humpbacks also stick their tail out of the water into the air, swing it around, and then slap it on the water's surface; this is called lob tailing. It makes a very loud sound. The meaning or purpose of lob tailing is unknown, but may be done as a warning to the rest of the pod. Humpbacks lob tail more when the seas are rough and stormy.
Humpback whales are the noisiest and most imaginative whales when it comes to songs. They have long, varied, complex, eerie, and beautiful songs that include recognizable sequences of squeaks, grunts, and other sounds. The songs have the largest range of frequencies. Only males have been recorded singing. They sing the complex songs only in warm waters, perhaps used for mating purposes. In cold waters, they make rougher sounds, scrapes and groans, perhaps used for locating large masses of krill.
These whales are some of the most beautiful creatures known to the see, and personally one of my favorite marine animals. They’re huge majestic beauties of the sea.

A Broken Home

Many things I don't remember.I don't remember my first bicycle ride, or what my first word was, or the toys i used to play with. I don't remember many family vacations, or my first pet. Maybe I was to young. Or maybe I purposely blocked out a lot of memories. But the thing I do wish I could forget, still, and will always, is painted delicately on the rigid and scarred parts of my memory. How the man I once called my father, broke our home in two.

Dad starts yelling at Mom, Mom starts yelling back. The kids silently walk to their rooms. The hot tension literally thick enough to cut with a knife. Dad now starts to get really mad. Mom tells him on last time to leave. We watch as he storms out of the house, the door slams, a loud boom echoing threw out the house, signaling his absence.

When it turned dark i could here his truck. Creeping over the gavel, as quietly as possible. He was back. Mom would start by saying no. He says it's the last mime. My heart beats anxiously to hear what she says... but we already know the answer. She lets him back in. He promises the same thing as last time, and the times before that. That things are going to change. The slimy lie rolling right off his tongue.

I remember us kids not understanding. Why did she do it? Why did he always come back? Why couldn't he just leave for good? On a night just like every other, he did leave, and never came back to say sorry and make his dirty promises. Mom was the one to say it was the last time. She said no more. So dad moved far away. Far away from us.

I remember sometimes I would lay in the dark before sleep crept over. i would ask myself why dad left. I used to be sad about it. Until one night i closed my eyes really tight, squeezing the last of the sad tears out. And i prayed he would never come back. Yes, dad was gone, far away from us. But now the bad was gone, and the good had time to grow. And mom held our broken home together.

Bigger

All my life I’ve been small, forced to live in small places, full of small people, doing small things. Everyday I walk to my small school, full of more small kids, just like me. But they’re not like me in many ways. I am one of the rare ones. I am like the tiger ready to pounce on its prey. I am ready to pounce on life, into bigger places, with big people…doing big, big things! Yes, that will be me one day. And when people ask me, How is it you are so big. I will look at them, smile. And say, I wasn’t always big, most of my life I was small. And then I will tell them my story.

I Believe...

Who really knows true pain? Do you? Do I…? Almost everyone knows what it’s like to be let down. How that feels. Whether it’s a small let down, or something big, it never feels good to be disappointed. Since I was little, I have taught myself to not depend on anyone but me. This way I ensure I’ll never get hurt. At least not in that way, and if I do, I’ll know it was no bodies fault but my own. This is why I believe you can’t ever be disappointed when you only depend and rely on yourself.
When most people are little, they aren’t necessarily exposed to a lot of things. They don’t feel and see pain first hand, the kind that really hurts. Sure a crash on your bike, or a scrape on your knee hurts…but these things heal. I’m talking about a broken home, a family torn apart, or a broken heart. These things take a lot longer, if at all, to heal. These things change a person. Make them a little harder, a little colder, a little tougher. But most of all, it teaches them to be independent.
Of course some would ask, “Isn’t that a lonely way to live?” And I’m not going to lie, sometimes it is. Yet for some reason, it seems better, safer, to me. What most people don’t realize, is that being independent doesn’t mean being lonely. I try to surround myself with friends and family whom I love, and I know they all love me back. But this doesn’t mean I depend on them.
Since the first time I was taught this lessons, I’ve been taught it once more. I went against what my mind has always told me to do, and I followed my heart for once. This is exactly where I went wrong. I gave someone my whole heart and soul, my trust, my time, my mind and thoughts. Everything. I dedicated everything I had to make someone happy. And for what? To get my heart broken once more. To be left behind to pick up the shattered pieces of my life, and my heart turned back to what it needs to be. A rock.
I’m not saying everyone should be like this, in fact I would advise the opposite. I guess you have to take risks in life to learn a lot of things. But from my experiences, I know the consequences of trusting and depending on people. So I believe in keeping my heart safe. I believe in not letting myself feel like I have before. I believe you can’t ever be disappointed when you only depend and rely on yourself.

The Life Of a Secretary Job

I work Monday threw Friday, every day after school. My job has many pros and cons you could say. I am a secretary and assistant for a tax lady in the town i live in. Every day i come in, put my things in my desk, sit down and go to work. I file lots and lots of papers, especially for our major clients. Other than that I answer phones, make appointments, deal with clients that come in, get my boss coffee on a regular basis. And in my job description I have to keep the office clean, and keep desks clear and organized. I'm a person who loves to be moving, constantly going and keeping active, my job involves nothing of the sort. A lot of time I am just sitting and doing nothing at all. It kills me, and makes time drag on, like thick molasses dripping from a jar. But hey, I'm making money to sit on my bum for a few hours.
Most people wouldn't complain and i don't really. It simply makes me anxious for my true dream job of being a zoologist. I love animals with all my heart. And my dream in to work with them, a hands on active job. Doing something i love. And that I think is one of the most important factors of having a job, to love what your dong with a passion. Passion is the essence and base of life i believe. If you don't have passion, what do you have?

My Favorite Quotes

" Life is one long road with lots of sign's, so when you are riding threw the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief, and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality.

Wake up and live!"

Bob Marley

This is one of those kinda quotes people should live by. Because no matter how old you, or who you are, you can apply this to your own lives somehow. Bob knew what he was talking about, trust me.

"True love is only real when shared with others"

some guy somewhere

Think about the happiest time in your life, or all the happy times in your life, and tell me...where you with people, or were you alone? Chances are, for the majority, you were with people, your friends, your family, your loved ones. To me, being with my friends is when I'm happiest. Why not share that happiness with other people? Pass on a few smiles and good laughs that will stay with you forever. I think it will get you far in life.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid, and deeds left undone."

Harriet Beecher Stowe

Sad, yet true. This quote i can compare with the most. Stuff that makes your heart ache, that makes the tears fall, that never leaves your side.

First Day

The sun was just rising over the horizon as we sat at the village waiting for our hero’s to return to us… I’m just kidding. We’ll save that story for another day. For now I’ll tell you how I came to have this blog. My first period class is an online publishing course, and it consist of four people… including the teacher, Mr.W. I myself, am Shaniqua. You'll come to know lots about me, my life, and my thoughts. Whether you, the reader of this, likes what I write about, or not, i don't care. Hope you enjoy it though...

-Shaniqua-